Chomp!

Hello, everyone. Before I attempt part one of a dissertation on Atlantis, I want everyone to know that I purchased the coolest suit EVER on Sunday night. That's right. Coolest suit ever. Me. Zach and Jon and I went to Goodwill on Sunday before Cell to look for slacks and whatnot for upcoming Walken gig this Friday, and I gravitated towards this dark brown three-piece suit upon the rack and was immediately delighted at its AWESOME quotient. I tried it on and it fit PERFECTLY, so I sincerely believe that I was meant to find it. And it looks so killer! I suppose it's vaguely reminiscent of Napoleon Dynamite, though that wasn't the idea. However, I did play up the Napoleon-isms when I found it. "It's amazing... it's incredible!" So I wore it out of Goodwill and into the night and have been the happiest boy in the world since. I even ordered some brown dress shoes to accompany it on Monday, so it's gonna be k-i-l-l-e-r! I swear you will be envious upon witnessing the majesty that is my new suit. Holla!
Now, with that aside, let's talk about Atlantis. Everyone and their mother knows that Plato first discussed Atlantis in his work Timaeus, saying that he found the story in the records of his ancestor Solon, who in turn heard it from the Egyptians. Solon was an emissary to Egypt a century or so before Plato's time who discovered much of the history of the world from them. The Egyptians were shocked at the brevity of the Greeks' sense of history; "O Solon," their chief historian said, "you Greeks are children." Solon afterward recorded the story of Atlantis, which was (summarily) as follows:
About 12,000 years earlier, a great continent the size of Asia and Libya combined existed beyond the Straits of Hercules. This nation was called Atlantis and it had many colonies spread throughout the world and was the strongest and most advanced marittime culture in the world. It was said to exist in the "One True Ocean" of which the Mediterranean was "but a bay," and "all the surrounding continent" formed a circle around it.
The Atlanteans were subjugating the many nations of the Meditteranean until only Athens and her small circle of allies were left unconquered. After a defeat at the hands of the Athenians, Atlantis sunk below the waves, leaving only a few survivors who sailed to their various colonies and reigned afterwards as kings.
Now, if you look beyond Plato's claims that Atlantis was founded by the sons of Poseidon and a few other mystical msih-mash details, a very sober account is left of the history of a lost civilization. Furthermore, there is lots of evidence to support Plato's conceptualization of Atlantis.
To begin with, every culture around the world has a myth regarding the inundation of the Earth with water; contiguously, most of the myths concern the fall of a major island civilization located in the Ocean, and how this civilization introduced new concepts of art and science to less advanced cultures.
One need only look at the legend of the Mayans, who believed in an island called Aztalan in the Atlantic who taught the Mayans the arts of civilization. What's more, these men were white, with blond hair and blue eyes. One further odd note, the syllable atl (as in "Atlantis") isn't a Greek syllable, but a Mayan one, meaning "water."
One can also tell through even passing examination that the art and architecture of the Egyptians, various South American Indian cultures, and the Chinese are hauntingly similar. This has led many researchers to suggest a "Diffusion Theory," wherein the parent civilization of Atlantis informs the intellectual achievements of other cultures so greatly that these traits are found in all cultures surrounding the original parent civilization. What's more is that there is evidence of naval trade in an era where our ancestors (according to dogmatic historians) should still have been living in huts without the written word, much less conducting commerce and sailing. One need only look at the "Cocaine mummies" of Egypt to find further evidence that trade was conducted by very ancient peoples.
Another interesting and challenging fact is that it has been discovered that human beings have been mining for precious metals in Southern Africa for 800,000 years! If the current model of history is true, who are these people that are searching for mineral deposits that in theory they should be able to do nothing with?
In short, the newest theories regarding Atlantis that are based upon sober archaeology and the examination of legend is hampered by one thing: the entrenched dogma of most mainstream historians, who will argue until they're blue in the face that civilization (i.e. national government, advanced architecture, written records, money, etc.) did not exist before the Sumerians in 3500 B.C., though this is clearly not the case; these same historians have had to grudgingly admit that Jericho is the world's oldest surviving city, dating from 8,000 B.C.
Countless South American cultures talk of white "gods" who came from the sea to the East from a lost island kingdom who civilized them. The chief of these "gods" was Woden, who had blond hair and blue eyes. Concurrently, the chief god of the ancient Germans and Scandinavians was Wodan, who became Odin. These cultures also believed in a lost island kingdom called Thule from whence came their own races.
Until later in the 20th Century, no one knew that the ancient Chinese built pyramids, but they were discovered in the region of White China, thousands of years old and abandoned. They were eerily similar to the Egyptian pyramids and were actually larger; no one knows who exactly built these monuments. However, it is known they are built on a sacred site. A sacred site is a location which ancient peoples deemed to be holy and sacred. Many mysterious megaliths and monuments are built on these sacred sites, which in turn fall on 5 degree demarcations from Giza, which is believed to be the ancient world's Prime Meridian. The researcher Rand Flem-Ath believes that these sites were constructed by Atlanteans to measure the shifting of the Earth's crust; after the fall of Atlantis, less advanced cultures did not understand their purpose, and began to worship at these sites, believing them to be built by the gods.
If I continue writing now, the post is gonna look all screwy, so I'll continue this dissertation tomorrow or the next evening, and show what Plato really meant by "the size of Asia and Libya combined," amongst other things. Hope you enjoyed part one!

Love,
Ian

P.S. My stupid puppies ate my can of goldfish food. Just so you understand the enomity of this, they ate not only the goldfish food, but THE FRICKIN' CAN, TOO. What a bunch of jerks.
P.P.S. Listen to "The Discovery of a World Inside the Moone" by the Apples in Stereo, it's only one of the coolest albums ever! Whoa-oh, scoo-oots!