I Don't Know How to Tell You This, But... Your Son Is a Witch

Hello there, everyone! I'm really very sorry that it's taken me so long to follow up my last entry (from a week ago?!?), and because I respect you, I'm not going to offer any excuses. This has been due to pure lethargy on my part. That's all. I wish I could say that I my attempts to post were thwarted by Frost Giants from Jotunheim or the Fenris Wolf devouring my hand, but I can't. Well, I can, but the Fenris Wolf story isn't true.
I had epiphany on Sunday that has left me a changed man, one that no longer hates others for their iniquities, so I've been feeling awful darn good as of late now that I've shed all pretense of bitterness. I'm still not a fan in the least of iniquity, but in hating people for their flaws and whatnot, I condemn everyone including myself and don't live up to my own ideals. I got slapped in the face with the Golden Rule, and it was a good thwack, one that left me feeling kind of stupid that it took me so long to get said thwack.
When I wasn't soulsearching, I was also playing unhealthy amounts of Ghost Recon 1 and 2 with my brother, and believe you me: those are some wicked games. If you have the means, I highly recommend them, though before you play you'll want to prepare yourself accordingly, i.e. stock up on doughnuts and iced tea and wear some comfrotable pajamas.
I ended up seeing House of 1,000 Corpses with my brother due to no fault of my own, and I was left aghast and unimpressed. Not only has Rob Zombie sold out his own love of classic horror movies by making a gory "Bloody Death 2" type film, but it carried the same sadistic feel that the remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre did, and I was left feeling pretty disenfranchised. I haven't really had a problem with violent movies in the past, but when violence is included that serves no purpose and is so sick and debased, I'm not a fan in the least. Blech.
In other news, Brad has joined me, Erin, Kevin and Jon's mighty ranks as a Halfling Burglar who's already at Level 3. Here's his stats:

Brad

• Neutral Good
• +3 to Dry Wit, +2 to Perception and Wisdom
• Has the abilities Burgle, Riddles, Muppet Diplomacy and Doodle
• Bears the Ring of the Bone-Sayer: +18 Dexterity and minor mind reading abilities (Erin gave it to him... I was too afraid to ask where SHE obtained it from)

Conversely, Erin achieved her quest for the Brita Pitcher of Truth (which allows its bearer to ascertain the truth behind a poker face), thus bringing her up to Level 13. She also gained +2 to Intimidation and has the ability Psi Rockin'. I can't even recall what that is since she cast it on me when I told her that turkey croissant sandwhiches with lettuce and dill dip sounded disgusting. During her quest, she also picked up the follower Giuseppe the Commando Penguin, who looks all cute and cuddly, but has +7 to Dexterity and +4 to Combat. Watch out, evildoers.

Back to me, though... I'm still in the market for a new katana, as it were. You see... mine broke a while back. Don't laugh! I came to blows with Level 9 Bugbear Shaman with an adamantium mace, and you know how it goes.... the darn thing busted. Asunder. And I don't know of any self-respecting Secret Ninja who doesn't have a katana, so I'd like to obtain another one ASAP, if you catch my meaning.

And one more thing. During the Roe Caan Show on 890 WLS a few days ago the first topic of discussion was how a group of Norwegian black metal fans visiting Texas were insulted by the natives' use of "the horns" to encourage the Longhorns, or something along those lines. I was only half listening until I heard the magic words "Norwegian black metal," and then I started listening intently. They started taking calls about the use of the horns and its history (Ronnie James Dio started using it when he went solo in 1980, someone finally got that right), but I thought it was totally petty of Norwegian dudes to claim it as solely their own, or even to be flustered by so trivial a thing. Anywho, I called in to set the record straight on black metal(no one had any idea what black metal was, or even what it was truly called. One of them suddenly asked, 'Wait, what is it? Dark metal, or black metal...?") and the programmer put me on hold, but other callers began to change the subject, and I was let go. Oh well. I tried, at least.

Okay, well, I have loads more laundry to do (hey! I didn't even try to make a pun there! I kill myself!), so I'll be on my merry way. I promise I won't take anywhere near as long for this entry's follow-up, and furthermore: I promise a new installment of HoME either tomorrow or the day after. Ookie dookie?* Thanks for stopping by.

Love, Ian

P.S. If you're at the Eagle Inn, be wary: if you order fettucine alfredo, they substitute rocks for chicken, and don't get the spaghetti! I hear they put scorpions in it...

*Ask Jenny about that one.