Run, Trish! He's killing me!!!

Now, can you please bear with me for the following rant? It's not anything atrocious, it just may become tedious...
The thing, ladies and gentlemen, is that I like Friday the 13th movies. You also have to know that the only good one amongst them is the first; I simply like its 9 sequels because they're so uproariously awful. They mire themselves in unconscious self-parody until they become accidental comedies, and they're great for "Zing!" value. I don't know why anyone bothers to try to kill or hurt or maim or immobilize or injure or cripple or maul or heckle Jason Voorhees; he's just gonna return even more upset and all the more eager to punch a hole through your chest, AND slap you just for a total dis.
And I want Crispin Glover to know that I forgive him for being in Friday the 13th Part IV: The Final Chapter; I'm sure he'd rather forget that he ever did it, anyway. And I understand that it was probably one of his first big breaks and then he had to take advantage of it to move on to bigger and better things (the "Do-What-You-Must-To-Do-What-You-Want" Principle). Mr. Glover portrays Jimbo, the only halfway decent dude amidst all of his stupid, hedonist cohorts, and the only jerkoff kid in the movie you feel kinda bad getting greased. Kinda. But the strange thing is, he meets his death silently; no screams, no cries for help, no whimpering. Brad was like, "Nobody, and I mean NOBODY pins my hand onto the table! When I get outta this, you're in for it, pal-" HACK.
Also allow me to point out that The Final Chapter is anything but. What's more, the ending sets up a sequel. The writers (yes, the writers; you know, one guy for the nouns, one guy for the verbs...) don't seem to grasp the concept of finality. Certainly, the characters do, as practically everyone dies in Part IV. EVERYONE.
And, I was wrong about its sequel, the dreadful Part V: A New Beginning. I thought that it had no connection to Part IV, but rather, it tells the sad tale of Tommy, Corey Haim's (yes, you read that right) character from the previous installment, grown up and unable to cope with the trauma that is VOORHEES. He's kinda off his rocker, and Jason decides to return from the dead, just for kicks, and Tommy doesn't it take it too well, as you might imagine. This movie sucks. But it does feature a clever twist (yeah, right) and some hicks you're more than happy to see kick the bucket.
So there you have it. I mean, none of you out there can't say that there isn't a movie you watch again and again although you know in your heart that it is a BAD movie. In fact, it may be a FREAKING TERRIBLE movie, but it's still your special movie. Let he who doesn't have a celluloid guilty pleasure cast the first stone! (But please remember that I live in a glass house, so throw it elsewhere, if you would be so kind.)

Love, Ian

P.S. Erin is officially lost to all who deem themselves sane.
P.P.S. Don't try to be a snork, folks; it's too hard to get the gum out of your hair.
P.P.P.S. Do gnomes really not have children until they're, like, 50? Or is this a myth promulgated by Nick Jr.?
P.P.P.P.S. "Gnome" comes from the Greek "gnome" meaning "thought" and "intelligence." Readers of The Silmarillion may recall that Beor, leader of the First House of the Edain, named King Finrod Felagund "Nom," meaning wisdom. Furthermore, in the earliest incarnation of The Silmarillion, the Noldor ("the Deep Elves") were called the Gnomes. But Tolkien changed it because he figured most people would think of those profane little men people keep on their lawns.