Stop Sasquatch Before He Kills Again

I totally forgot that I have a freaking yeti living virtually in my backyard, and it's been well-nigh a year since I saw him. However....I have a feeling in my bones that I'm gonna run into him again. You see, last year I was riding my bike back home from the library on the othe side of town, through the Ice Age Trail leading to my neighborhood. It was awfully dark out, darker than the pizza I burnt in the oven last night, and I was riding through a fairly dense archway of trees, priding myself on how not-scared I was, when suddenly, from behind an enormous bush immediately to my left.....something emerged. Something awfully big; even bigger than me. You see, I'm 6' 3", and hover around 200-something pounds, depending upon how lazy I am, and this thing was bigger than I was. So, I lost my cool and high-tailed it, burning rubber and leaving a firey trail behind me. I was still 10 minutes from my house when I encountered Sasquatch, but I made there in about 3. I never looked back, 'cause I didn't want to see freaking Bigfoot on my trail; whether it was in fact the fabled Sasquatch or not is immaterial. There was a big freaking...whatever, right next to me, and whether it was some psycho Andre the Giant or a wigged-out Wookie, I wasn't gonna stay to find out. Sheesh. That's asking a bit much, I think. But now, I think he's stirring once more...I'm taking a bus to the library next time.